The Code Lyoko Gang goes to McDonald
by The Anime kid and Chaos Girl
Summary: What happens when the gang is forced to go to McDonalds? Find out here! R&R PLEASE OR YOU GET NO COOKIES! CHAPPIE 7 IS FINALLY UP! HOORAY!
1. The Decision

Disclaimer: We do not own Code Lyoko or McDonald's. Now it's time to sing the 'Don't Sue Us' song! OHHHHH! Don't Sue Us! We did nothing to you! Don't Sue Us! In the name of the Red, White, and Blue! (In France Too!) 

TAK: We're baaaack!

CG: WE ARE?!

TAK: …That was too stupid to get an answer.

CG: So?

TAK: Anyways, I bet a lot of you peeps think this is based on or similar to that one movie about Whatshisface and Whatshisname going to White Castle. Well, it's not. Because I've never seen it and I'm The Writer.

CG: And I'm The Map!

TAK: Shut up! Any similarities between this and that movie are unintentional.

CG: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Nobody cares. They just want the story! Right?

silence

CG: OH, I SEE HOW IT IS!! #begins sobbing#

Cat: #hops up to keyboard# On with the story!

TAK: How come you've always gotten the last line recently?

Cat: Because I'm The Cat. You can have it this time if you want.

TAK: #teary eyed# Really?

Cat: No.

**The Code Lyoko Gang Goes To McDonald's!**

Chapter 1 The Decision 

The bell rang for the last class of the day. Odd, Jeremie, and Ulrich walked out of the classrooms and went outside to their usual bench to meet up with Yumi.

"Hey, Yumi," said Odd as she walked towards them. "Um, why do you have Kiwi with you?"

"…Cuz." Yumi replied, looking at him with a blank face. Kiwi jumped down from her arms and sat next to his owner.

"Can you believe this? They cut $50 million dollars (A/N: I know this is supposed to be in France but I'm in America and I'm too lazy to find out a ridiculously high Euro number and besides, this is easier.) from the school's budget and they took it all from the Food Department. We don't get to eat anything anymore!" Ulrich said dismally.

"Who knew reheated cafeteria food cost so much?" Odd shrugged.

"Haha! I live in a house unlike you stupid boarders and I get to eat! HAHA!!" shouted Yumi. She opened a brown paper bag, took out a sandwich, and began to eat it tauntingly in front of her friends.

"Um, Yumi? What are you doing?"

"NOTHING! YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING! I'M INNOCENT I TELL YOU!"

"…"

"This has GOT to be against some law," commented Ulrich. The others turned to see what he was talking about. They saw construction workers taking apart the cafeteria and shipping each material off to be sold to the highest bidder, as the lunch ladies sobbed nearby.

"NOOO!!" shouted Jeremie, who had not looked up from his laptop since they sat down at the bench.

"What?"

"I accidentally deleted Aelita!!"

"YOU WHAT?!"

"I said I deleted Aelita! She's gone! XANA's gonna kill everybody now and there's nothing we can do!!! ..Oh, wait. Never mind. I just pressed 'print' by mistake."

"Don't you EVER scare me like that again, Jeremie!" Yumi said, calming down and sinking into the bench.

"What would that do?" asked Odd.

"What? Print? Um.. I don't know."

Just then, a girl with red hair came trotting up to them.

"Hey, guys!" said Aelita, waving. Yumi looked at Aelita. Then she looked at Jeremie. Then she looked at his computer. Then she fainted.

"Hmm. I guess all I really had to do was press 'print' and Aelita would've came out in a scanner!" Jeremie deducted as Aelita gave him a big hug.

"NOW WAIT JUST ONE MINUTE!" Ulrich exclaimed. "ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT WE SPENT ALL THIS TIME FIGHTING MONSTERS, _AND_ YOU WORKED ON THAT MATERIALIZATION PROGRAM, _AND_ THE ANTI-VIRUS, AND ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS PRESS THE FUCKING _PRINT_ BUTTON?!"

"..Yes. And watch your language, mister. There's ladies here."

Ulrich then got so mad that his face turned red and he exploded.

"NO!!! ULRICH!!! WHY MUST THE GOOD DIE YOUNG?! WHY?!?!?!?!?!!?!" cried Yumi, clutching a tattered piece of his clothing.

"Calm down, bitch." said Ulrich, who was suddenly standing behind her. "I was just exaggerating."

"ULRICH!!! YOU'RE ALIVE!!" she screamed hysterically, jumping up on him and starting to make out with him. Twenty minutes later, she was still kissing him passionately.

"Um, I think that's enough, Yumi," said Jeremie.

"Oh, right, sorry." she said, blushing and letting go of Ulrich, who then fainted. Once everybody stopped yelling and being hysterical, the courtyard was finally quiet, besides the people talking and the other people staring at them and wondering why they were staring at them and the author told them it was because they were extras and they're getting paid and they said oh. Odd's stomach began to growl.

"I'm hungry." he announced.

"Yeah, and so is everybody else in this school." Odd thought for a moment.

'"I have an idea!"

"What?" Ulrich, Yumi, Aelita, and Jeremie asked as the leaned in ridiculously close to listen.

"Let's sneak out and go to McDonald's!"

"OKAY!!" they immediately agreed.

"But we need a plan," Odd stated. "Let's go to Jeremie's room and talk about it because that's our World Famous But Not Really PLAN-MAKING ROOM!"

They got up to leave, but Sissi and her gang stood in front of them.

"You're not going ANYWHERE without US!" Sissi said.

"Oh yeah?" asked Ulrich. "And why not?"

Sissi smiled and held out a couple pictures, but backwards so that nobody could see them.

"Because I have THESE!"

"OH NO!! NOT THOSE!!"

"Yes, those!"

"…_Those_, those?"

"YES! THOSE THOSE!"

"OHHH NOOOO!!!!!!" Ulrich screamed. "OKAY, OKAY! YOU CAN COME! Just don't show ANYBODY those pictures!"

"Wait a minute," said Yumi. "You can't blackmail him AGAIN! That already happened in one episode."

"Maybe," Sissi said. She snapped her fingers and Nicholas handed her a video tape.

"But I also have THIS!!" Yumi's eyes widened.

"NO!! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?!"

"Oh, places." Sissi grinned evilly.

"WE'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT JUST DON'T TAKE ME LUCKY CHARMS!" shouted Jeremie, who was suddenly dressed up like a leprechaun. So, it was decided to sneak out of Kadic to go to McDonalds because they didn't have enough money to feed them anymore and it was illegal to eat on campus, and they all went to the dormitory building to plan.

TAK: So, how was it?

CG: For our first CL fic posted here that wasn't in script? #halo appears above her head and angelic chorus could be heard.#

TAK: SHH! This part is in script, remember? We don't want the Feds to find us out!

CG: YOU'LL NEVER GET ME, COPPER! #jumps out the window#

TAK: Um.. yeah. Anyway, review, review, review!


	2. The Plan

Disclaimer: WE DO NOT OWN CL OR MCDONALD'S! See? There! We said it! Now you can't sue us! BWAHAHAHAHA!!

TAK: Wow, nobody reviewed. Oh well.

CG: OH WELL?! What do you mean Oh well? WE LIVE ON REVIEWS! WE MIGHT DIE!! …and what are we supposed to do with all these extra cookies?

Cat: Can I have them?

CG: NO! They're for the reviewers!

Cat: Whatever. I still get the last line.

TAK: NOT THIS TIME!

Cat: Meow.

TAK: Darn it!

Cat: Haha.

Chapter 2 The Plan 

Jeremie, Ulrich, Odd, Yumi, Sissi, Herb, and Nicholas all entered into Jeremie's dorm room. Jeremie sat in his chair, Ulrich and Yumi sat on the bed, Odd sat between them to make sure nothing would happen that would get the authors in trouble for misrating, and everybody else sat on the floor.

"Why do I have to sit on the floor? I'm the principal's daughter! I should be sitting on a lavish satin throne!" Sissi complained.

"You're the PRINCIPAL'S DAUGHTER, not a princess," reminded Yumi.

"So? It's basically the same thing!"

"Quiet, you two! We need to plan!" Jeremie said. "Okay, Odd, what's the plan?"

Odd looked at him blankly.

"Why are you asking me? You're the brains of this operation!" Odd said, shrugging.

"Do we really have to plan? I mean, why can't we just walk out and go to McDonald's?" asked Aelita.

"BECAUSE THEN THIS CHAPTER WOULD HAVE NO POINT!" shouted Ulrich. "I suggest we break into the administrative building, steal all the cash, and then break into something else to get something important, and then, late at night, we sneak out through the secondary entrance and escape as the school explodes behind us and we get out just in time!"

"That sounds like some action movie," said Yumi. "You really have a criminal mind, Ulrich."

Ulrich threw his head back and laughed evilly.

"Okay, now you're scaring me." Yumi scooted away from him. Suddenly, XANA's Evil Jeremie Form sat on the bed on the other side of her.

"No, no, no! That'll never work! We need monsters! Yes, gotta have the monsters! And then we have to make some random machine go after all the adults and kill them!" he said.

"…Where did you come from?" asked Aelita.

"Wait a minute!" Sissi yelled. "What's going on here? Who are you, anyway, red head? And what's with the freaky Jeremie clone? Why do I have to talk with such an irritating voice? Why doesn't Ulrich like me? WHY DO THE GOOD DIE YOUNG?!"

"HEY!" shouted Yumi. "You stole that from me! YOU BITCH!"

Yumi bitch slapped Sissi across the face and Sissi bitch slapped her back. They both began slapping and scratching at each other until they fell on the ground and rolled around fighting.

"STOP FIGHTING!" Jeremie shouted. "If you're gonna fight in my room, you could at LEAST put some sexy clothes on and do it in the mud."

Everybody stared at Jeremie.

"What?" he asked.

"I say we ask the magical pixie to grant us passage to McDonalds!" Nicholas spoke up.

"Uh.. how about we have a vote," said Odd. "Who's for going to the magic pixie?"

Nobody raised his or her hand besides Nick.

"Just leaving and going to McDonald's?"

Aelita raised her hand. Odd sighed.

"The overly-complicated, elaborate plan that Ulrich thought up?"

Everybody raised their hand except for Odd.

"Well, I guess that's what we're doing." Odd walked over to Jeremie's closet and opened it. He took out a number of black sweaters and sweat pants, grappling hooks, ropes, and fancy crime technology.

"Jeremie… why was that stuff in your closet?" asked Yumi. Jeremie shrugged.

"Ulrich asked me to hide it for him so that when they searched his dorm, he wouldn't get arrested."

Yumi looked at Ulrich.

"You're such a bad boy," she said, jumping over Odd on top of him. Jeremie's arms extended and pulled them apart.

"NO HOT STEAMY LOVE SCENES! This fic is only rated PG-13!"

Everyone was staring at him again.

"How did you do that?" asked Herb, who, being a minion, was quiet until this time.

"Because I'm not really Jeremie," Jeremie said, pulling a zipper down that was on the top of his head. "I'm really ELASTI-GIRL!!"

Elasti-Girl AKA Mrs. Incredible BKA Jeremie stepped out of the costume, as a cool superhero fanfare played in the background.

"No you're not!" said Ulrich, standing up and going over to Elasti-Jeremie and pulling down yet another zipper. "You're really… COUNT OLAF!"

An old man who looked suspiciously like Jim Carey sat in the spot where Elasti-Girl and Jeremie once sat.

"You're both wrong!" shouted Aelita, pulling down a zipper on him again. "He's really… JEREMIE!"

Everybody gasped as Jeremie was revealed that he was actually himself.

"Why do you wear three disguises over yourself?" asked Yumi, whose job it was to ask questions because that's what we pay her to do.

"Because it's fun." he said, smiling.

"Um.. k. Well, we have a lot of work to do, so I suggest we get started!" announced Odd, because he likes to announce things. Everybody suited up and grabbed their gear.

"Let's go!"

TAK: That was chapter 2!

CG: No, I thought it was chapter 86.

TAK: …Are you being sarcastic?

CG: Maybe.

TAK: Well, anyways, review please!


	3. The Heist

Disclaimer: We own McDonald's, Code: Lyoko, and the state of Texas! #Lawyers appear and poke TAK with a suitcase# OKAY, OKAY! WE DON'T! God..

TAK: #gasps# REVIEWS!!!! YESS!!! WE CAN STAY ALIVE NOW!!

CG: And Cat can't have all the extra cookies!

Cat: Drat.

TAK: And now, the We Reviewed a TAK & CG Story Awards!!

Two Cookies for… _Xiao Zang Hou_ and _sissy-hater101_! (two reviews each)

One Piping Hot Cookie for:

_gothicgirl123_

_Odd9d_

_Little Vili_

_YumiandSissyfighting_

JenniferTakashi J 

laughing cow

And half of a store-bought cookie for Dr. Alven Kertzville. You DID review, but we don't like being insulted, buddy. And BTW, What If was a very cool story.

TAK: YAY! Thank you all so much! #sniff# Erm, ahem, on to the story!

Cat: Don't think you're slick. I still get the last line.

Chapter 3 The Heist 

The gang stood on the roof of the school, all clad in black crime gear.

"I feel as if I were about to go on a heist," Aelita commented, putting a black coiled rope over her shoulder.

"What do you think we're doing, idiot?" Sissi retorted, tying her black boots that she liked to pretend had black hearts on them that you just couldn't see.

"HEY! DON'T CALL MY WOMAN AN IDIOT!" Jeremie protested, putting on black-rimmed glasses that looked exactly like his old glasses except they were in the Criminal's Closet so they were somehow cooler. Yumi slapped Sissi again.

"Why did you slap me, bitch?!"

"Don't call Jeremie's woman an idiot!"

"OH YEAH?!"

"YEAH!"

Ulrich walked in between them and shook his head. They were so madly in love with him that they instantly obeyed. This made Herb really angry. Nicholas was also angry because if Herb and Nicholas weren't angry at the same time, the world would blow up. Ulrich coolly walked back over to Jeremie and Odd.

"See how easy it is when a bunch of girls are madly in love with you but they have no idea why but it fits with the plot so the writers keep it in the script?" he whispered. Odd nodded 'deeply'.

"Yeah, I know how it is," he agreed.

"…No you don't!"

"Yes I do!" Odd said, pulling over a television set and putting in an episode of Code: Lyoko. He fast-forwarded to a part where girls were talking about how cute he was. "See?"

He let the TV slide off of the roof and a cat screeched and trashcans fell over for no particular reason.

"Come on, people, let's get this gravy locomotive moving in a forward direction!" Jeremie said, walking past everybody towards the roof of the administrative building.

"Geek," Herb mumbled, as he followed Sissi and Nicolas in the frigid night air. Unbeknownst to them, but knownst to us, they were being watched.

"That's right, kiddies," XANA said in his Evil Jeremie voice, watching them from a security camera. "Go along with your little plan. But unbeknownst to you, I have an evil plan of my own! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"We can hear you, you know!" Yumi said.

"Oh, darn it! I forgot to turn off the 'they can hear me' mode!" complained XANA. The kids heard a click as XANA flipped a switch inside.. wherever he was.

"Okay," said Odd. "Let's get back to going to steal stuff again."

A glass skylight was broken open and the shards flew everywhere. Ulrich descended into the room, held up by one of those trademark descend-into-random-place-through-the-roof things that he bought on eCrime, as cool super spy music played in the background via The Background Music Player that was always secretly following them around disguised as a performing circus bunny. He made sure there were no lasers on the floor, and he flipped himself down onto it. Ulrich signaled that it was okay, and the others followed after him.

"Now where are we supposed to get the money from?" whispered Sissi. Ulrich looked at her like she was extraordinarily stupid.

"Don't you know?" he asked.

"…No…"

"THE SAFE! That's where the money ALWAYS is! And to think you're his _daughter_," Ulrich remarked, shaking his head as he looked around for the safe.

"And where exactly _is_ The Safe?" asked Aelita.

"…That one I don't know."

Everyone decided it was time to stare at Ulrich.

"What do you expect? It's not like I've robbed this place before."

This time, Odd was looking at him like he was extraordinarily stupid. He walked over to the painting of the bowl of fruit and flipped it open, revealing a safe that was hidden behind it.

"Now, Ulrich, I'm surprised at you!" he said in a loud whisper. "The Safe is ALWAYS behind the painting!"

Suddenly, those two girls that were in Odd's music video walked up to him.

"Oh, Odd, you're so smart and sexy!" they said, throwing their arms around him.

"Ladies, ladies, please! Another time!" Odd said, grinning and backing away. They walked off giggling. Just then, Samantha appeared in an apron, holding a spatula in her other hand, looking pretty pissed off.

"And what was that?" she asked, tapping her foot. Odd sort of jumped back in surprise.

"What? Th-that? Ohh, that was nothing! Nothing!" he stuttered, beginning to blush.

"Oh, I see how it is. I work all _day_, slaving in front of a hot microwave and this is the thanks I get?! Do you think Junior appreciates you just _going out_ on your little heists with your little friends and then drooling around all those other women?!"

"Not now, Sam! I'm a little busy here! And we're not _married_, remember?" Odd held his hand to one side of his mouth and whispered to Samantha, looking back nervously as if he were afraid someone would see.

"A little _busy_, he says!" she muttered to herself, walking out of the room.

"Ok, then," said Jeremie. He walked over to the safe and stared at it for five seconds.

"Aelita! Come over here!" he beckoned. Aelita walked over to him.

"What?"

"I need you to do your little silly thing and sing at this and make it open," Jeremie answered.

"OKAY!!"

Aelita stood in front of The Safe and concentrated for a moment, then, she fell to her knees and sung her meditative chord as loudly as she could at the lock in a position that looked suspiciously like something that should not appear in a PG-13 fic. Just as Jeremie thought, the door swung open, and so much money poured out that it buried Aelita.

"Oh, no! Aelita!" Jeremie said, coming to her rescue and digging through the pile of money. "She drowned! NOOOOOOO!!! Oh, wait. That was just a hamster."

Aelita surfaced and coughed out change.

"AELITA! You're safe! YAY! LET'S BOOGIE!"

The room suddenly shifted into a club with a light-up dance floor and a disco ball that descended from the ceiling. The Background Music Player, which was hanging out eating pizza, jumped up and started playing upbeat dance music.

"JEREMIE! AELITA! Stop freaking! We have to steal the Important Item!" shouted Yumi.

"What would that be?" Jeremie asked in all seriousness, once the dance floor had disappeared. He looked at Ulrich.

"Uh…" Ulrich said. "A key? Yes, a key! A key to the Gate!"

"You mean THIS KEY?!" said a voice. Everyone turned to see XANA in his EJ form, holding a key up and ginning menacingly.

"Er… yes. Thank you." Ulrich took the key, while looking suspiciously at XANA. "Why are you here again?"

"Because it's my Evil Plan! To give you the Key so you wouldn't have a chance to steal it! Isn't that ingenious? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" he laughed, disappearing into a cloud of XANA smoke and flying out the window.

"Alrighty-then. What next?" Yumi said, turning to Ulrich.

"STOP LOOKING AT ME! Just because I'm a criminal mastermind doesn't mean I know everything!" he shouted.

"SHHHH!" everyone shushed. Ulrich put his hands in his pockets and grumbled as they collected the cash and walked out of the building.

TAK: Long chapter, wasn't it?

CG: No.

TAK: IT WAS TOO!

CG: So? I just like to be contrary!

TAK: …  
Cat: Review please! Or else I eat your cookies!


	4. The Escape, Or, How To Make Your School ...

Disclaimer: Hey, guess what! WE DON'T OWN CODE: LYOKO OR MCDONALD'S! Aren't you so proud of us? sniff

TAK: Hey, guess what!

CG: You said that already.

TAK: So?

Cat: Isn't it time for the We Reviewed A TAK CG Story Awards?

TAK: Not this time.

Cat: Why not?

TAK: Because I said so.

CG: We'll do a really big Awards Show at the end of the story (whenever that is) because TAK's too lazy to type out all the names.

TAK: SHH! They're not supposed to know that!

Cat: I like tuna. Oh yeah, and I am actually a talking cat that has NO RELATION TO LUNA OR ANY OF THOSE RANDOM TALKING CATS FROM ANIMES, OK!

**Chapter 4 The Escape, or, How To Make Your School Blow Up Without Getting Arrested**

The gang walked outside with a bag full of money and a key to the gate that didn't really need a key but they felt like getting a key because Ulrich likes panties.

"You know, that Xanga guy or whatever seems really stupid. Why did he just give us the key if he's supposed to, like, want you guys to die?" Sissi asked, taking off her black hat that secretly had black hearts on it and letting her hair fall out so perfectly that you would never be able to tell that she was just committing a crime.

"I don't know. Maybe he's on drugs or something." said Yumi, who for some reason didn't feel like bitch slapping Sissi.

"You like panties?" Odd asked Ulrich.

"SHHH!" he replied, blushing and putting his hand over Odd's mouth whilst looking around side to side because he liked making the authors say whilst.

"Okay, next on the list…" Jeremie said, taking out a piece of paper, putting on a pair of reading glasses and taking off his regular glasses although they looked exactly the same. "is to make the school blow up as we escape just in time. I don't know about that one, Ulrich. People might die, or worse—MY COMPUTER MIGHT GET MESSED UP!"

"You have a really sad life, you know that, right?" Aelita asked, and she would be sweatdropping if CL had sweatdrops but they don't so let's take a moment to cry wah ok get over it. Tears gathered at Jeremie's eyes.

"AELITA! YOU'RE SO HURTFUL! YOU HATE ME! I'M SUCH A GEEKY LOSER THAT YOU'D NEVER HAVE HOT STEAMY SEX WITH LIKE IN MY DREAMS!" he bawled.

"…WHAT!" everybody asked, stepping away from Jeremie.

"Don't tell me you've never had an erotic dream about Ulrich, Yumi!"

"SHUT UP! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THAT! I HATE YOU!" Yumi shouted, starting to cry and turning away from Jeremie.

"Yeah, well… I HATE YOU MORE!"

"OH YEAH!"

Just then, Sissi slapped Yumi.

"Why did you slap me! I'm the Bitch Slapper around here!"

"Because. You were arguing with the kid Nicholas has a cru—I mean, um…" Sissi looked around nervously. "MUSTARD!"

She ran off. Jeremie looked at Nicholas.

"What was she going to say?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. Nicholas began getting really sweaty.

"Um… um… I HAVE TO GO BUY MORE SHORT SHORTS BYE!" he said, running after Sissi. Herb looked kind of awkward. So he punched Ulrich in the stomach for no reason at all and ran after his companions.

"Well, that got rid of them," said Ulrich, bent over and clutching his stomach. Suddenly, a dark figure jumped out from the bushes. It was Jim.

"I SMELL TEENAGE DRAMA! Say… what are you kids doing out here in the middle of the night with those burglar clothes on and a bag full of money?" he asked, looking at all of them suspiciously.

"Um, Jim, see, we can explain—" Odd started.

"OH MY GOD! YOU WERE DOING DRUGS, WEREN'T YOU!"

"No! Of course not!" he replied. Yumi shoved Odd out of the way and stood in front of Jim.

"Oh, yes, Jim! Actually, we're all crackheads! It's a real problem for us, but we _just can't help it_! It costs us so much money that we had to steal from Mrs. Hertz! Please help us, Jim! We're a menace to society and ourselves! We need your adult guidance now more than ever! Help us! We don't want to go to jail! How about you schedule us for counseling?" she said, smiling cheerfully. Jim stood with his eyes wide open, unable to move.

"RUN!" They all scattered and met back at a random location in the woods.

"What did you do to him?" asked Ulrich.

"See, teachers are so unused to kids actually asking them for help, if you do it in large quantities all at once they go into what is known as 'Sudden Educator-Child Communication Shock', otherwise known as S.E.C.C.S!" Yumi explained. "You just have to know how they think and you'll be cool like me one day."

"Wow. I always wondered how to make teachers have SECCS." Aelita said. "Shouldn't we change back into our normal clothes now that we have the money and the key so we don't get arrested when we leave? By the way, is McDonald's open this late?"

"Of course! Don't you know? The Supreme Court of the World ruled in the case of Ronald McDonald vs. Europe, Asia, and South America five minutes ago that all McDonald's restaurants be open for 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And 388 days a year in the occasion of the rare double triple leap year, due to people's insatiable need for Big Macs." Ulrich said. "But the clothes thing was a good idea. Let's go."

The group walked for a while in the park before finally coming out near the dorms. They made a mad dash for the door, in case Jim came out of his shock. Once inside, they all went towards their various dorms.

"Hey, Ulrich! Yumi's not a boarder! What are you doing going towards our room with your arm behind her?" Odd asked.

"Nothing. No reason. No reason at all. We're just, uh.. gonna play cards. Right, Yumi?"

"Right. We're gonna play spades!"

"Yeah, I love that game! Come on!" They both went into the room and slammed the door, leaving Odd, Jeremie, and Aelita standing in the hallway. Odd frowned.

"Ulrich doesn't know how to play spades…" he said, folding his arms. Jeremie went to his dorm and used his key to open the door.

'You can change first, Aelita," he said, despite the fact that they all changed at the same time in the same room. Aelita went in and closed the door.

"What about me?" Odd asked, putting a fake sad face on. Jeremie rolled his eyes and gave him his clothes.

"I think Sissi left her door open. Wherever she is."

Odd shrugged and left towards Sissi's room. Sure enough, the door was unlocked. Once he had changed, he couldn't resist the urge to look around.

"Hmm… Yumi did say that she kept her diary in here somewhere…" he said to himself, as he scanned his room with his sharp vision. (I don't know, I just thought he would have really good eyesight. Maybe from aiming in Lyoko.) He found it the exact same way Yumi did in _Log Book_. Removing the book from its concealment, Odd carefully opened it. Several photographs (not THOSE from chapter 1…) fell to the ground.

Jeremie and Aelita were standing outside in the hallway, both had gotten dressed quickly, and were wondering what was taking everybody.

"Wow, Yumi and Ulrich must be having a riveting game of spades," Aelita commented. "They've been in there for a while…"

The boy genius had to resist the urge to chuckle. Just then, they heard somebody scream "Oh my God!". The two turned to see Odd jumping out backwards from Sissi's room. They ran to his side.

"What is it?" asked Jeremie.

Odd's eyes were still wide open.

"Where the hell did Sissi get naked pictures of me and Ulrich!"

"She had naked pictures of you?"

"And Ulrich!"

"Uh-huh. We know. But she had naked pictures of _you_?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, I mean, she doesn't _like_ you!"

"WHAT! EVERY GIRL LIKES ME!"

"No, every girl likes ULRICH. Some girls like you."

"…YOU'RE SO MEAN! WAAAH!" Odd ran over to the wall and sobbed, while his hoes came over and patted him on the back, giving him a bottle of Vodka. Yumi and Ulrich came out of the room.

"Did you have a good game of spades?" Aelita asked.

"What are you talking about? We were playing rummy. We have a school to blow up, come on."

They stood in the boiler room of the school. Gases escaped from various pipes and the room was rather hot.

"This is where we do it." Ulrich said.

"Wait, we can't blow up the boiler room! It's one of our ways to get to the factory and it's a copyrighted movie title!" Jeremie objected.

"You do know that now that Aelita's materialized we can kill XANA now, right?" Yumi asked. Just then, lawyers burst into the room in suits and carrying suitcases.

"No you can't," One lawyer said, opening his briefcase and taking out a 500-page long document. "Ahem. According to the Antefilms Official Code: Lyoko Contract, Article III, Section 1, Clause 7, the parties agree to never terminate the main villain of the show in order to preserve the continuation of said show. Noncompliance with this agreement will result in firing of parties involved and the hiring of really bad yet sexy actors. One of which will be Catwoman."

They all filed out as suddenly as they came in, and left the gang standing there dazed.

"Well, that beats the crap out of my plan," Ulrich said, sticking out his lower lip.

"I have an idea," Odd spoke up. Remember those beans I hoarded under my bed before it was illegal to eat on campus?"

"Yeah," replied Ulrich. "Why?"

"Anybody got a match?"

TAK: BEFORE ANYBODY YELLS AT ME I KNOW NICK HAD A CRUSH ON AELITA IT WAS JUST A JOKE IT WILL NOT BE CONTINUED ANY FURTHER. Well, maybe.

Cat: Well he could be.. you know..

TAK: But he's not.

CG: Ok how did we start talking about this?

TAK: No clue. Anyway, review!


	5. The Quest

Disclaimer: HEY, TAK WHADDAYA SAY? WE ALL WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU DISCLAIM TODAY! HURRY UP SO WE CAN STOP TYPING IN CAPS, NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THE ANIME KID AND CHAOS GIRL DO NOT OWN CODE LYOKO.

TAK: Wow. That was retarded.

CG: So is everything you say.

TAK: So. Anyway, I'm answering reviews now! (I'm still not doing the awards show because I'm lazy.)

Why does Ulrich like panties? Because the authors felt like adding a really random ending to a sentence. It means absolutely nothing, except Odd now knows a secret that he can blackmail him over.

Why blow up the boiler room? Once again, blame Ulrich. Everything wrong in the world is his fault.

CG: Those were only two answers… ;

Cat: And that's where kittens come from!

Chapter 5 The Quest 

Yumi appeared on screen in a really tacky anchorwoman outfit.

"This just in," she said, stacking papers together down onto the table in front of her. "Our generous employers want to inform you that this chapter's title has absolutely nothing to do with the Teen Titans episode _The Quest_. If you want to see us dressed up like Robin, go somewhere else. Or, bribe TAK with ridiculously large amounts of Arizona Iced Tea with **Lemon**. That's ARIZONA Iced Tea. With Lemon. Now back to your regularly scheduled chapter." The screen fuzzed and the scene changed to the group of teens standing outside the school gate.

"OH MY GOD!" Ulrich shouted. "You look so luscious in a suit, Yumi! Let's make out!"

"Ulrich, please. Not now. Someone might video tape us and threaten to take us to court for underage passionate sequences during a French anime-themed fanfic."

"Aww."

Yumi felt sorry for him so she pulled up her shirt and flashed him, and then Ulrich fell over, dead.

"NOO! I killed Ulrich with my incredibly sexy boobs! WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME! WHY!"

Just then, Ulrich walked up from down the street.

"Oh, I see you met my dummy. I made him myself! Don't you just love his super kung-fu dying action?"

"So… you _don't_ think I look luscious in a suit?"

"Of course I do! I just don't want to admit it in public because people would find out my true feelings for you, and then our ratings would go down for doing it too early," he replied. Jeremie, Odd, and Aelita were standing by the gate, getting angry because they hadn't had any lines yet.

"HELLO! We're important too you know!" Odd complained.

"JEREMIE!" Aelita shouted, tapping her foot. Jeremie turned towards her.

"Yes, Aelita?"

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!"

"…What? What did I do?"

"You little bastard! Don't you play dumb with me!"

Tears welled up at Jeremie's eyes.

"But… Aelita!"

"Don't talk to me!" she said, turning away from him. Odd came up to Jeremie.

"Don't mind her. She's just having some… girl problems right now."

"…How do you know! HAVE YOU BEEN SPYING ON HER?"

"NO! You know that I only have eyes for Yumi!"

"WHAT!" Ulrich shouted.

"WHAT!" Samantha shouted even louder, who had suddenly appeared again, sans apron.

"D-Did I say Yumi? I meant… uh… KIWI! Yes, my favoritest doggie in the whole wide world! I have to watch him all the time, so that's why I said I only have eyes for him!" explained Odd nervously. Kiwi looked up at him. He had been there all along, it's just that nobody looked down so they didn't notice him.

"Liar," he said.

"YOU CAN TALK!"

"Of course I can! Don't you know by the millions of other CL fanfics that say I can? And according to the Laws of Franime, If over 20,000 fan fictions have one common element, then that common element must be incorporated into the show, and thus every other fanfic. Whether or not the production companies choose to implement it is their decision. Now I'm off to Harvard to take classes in Quantum Mechanics, Advanced Trigonometry VIII, and Barking The ABC's."

He hopped off holding a bag in his mouth full of textbooks.

"Ok. That was weird. Whatever, let's go to McDonald's." Jeremie said.

"OH! I SEE HOW IT IS! You'll go to McDonalds because of your stupid _starvation_, but you won't get me no ice! What kind of man are you? I SHOULD BE BLINGIN! I SAVED THE FRICKIN WORLD 26 TIMES IN A FRICKIN ROW! Oh yeah, and about that hunger of yours! I lived in Lyoko my whole frickin life and I never ate! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HUNGER IS!" Aelita yelled. Suddenly, a gang of men with black ski masks pulled over their heads appeared. They all looked menacing.

"How are you? Would you like to buy some gingerbread?" one of them asked.

"…No. We've spent four chapters trying to get to McDonald's so far and we're not giving up on those Big Macs now!" Ulrich said.

"I'll buy some!" Odd volunteered. The man smirked.

"Too bad!" He said, and they all hit everybody in the head with bricks. Everything went black. They woke up in a very fancy, lavish palace throne room. There was an old man with a crown sitting on a thrown that was not only made of pure diamond, it had bars of gold embedded in it. And neon disco lights flashing inside to make it look pretty.

"Ah," the old man said. "I see you have awakened."

"Where… where are we? Are you my mommy?" asked Yumi.

"No, you ugly whore." he replied. Ulrich jumped up.

"HEY! DON'T CALL MY MUTUALLY CRUSHED UPON BUT NOT OFFICIAL GIRLFRIEND YET AN UGLY WHORE!"

Jeremie was next to speak.

"What happened?"

"You have been kidnapped by the government of Moo. We needed to enlist the aid of a New Zealander, a Japanese girl, a German kid, a geeky French boy, and a girl that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere."

"…Moo? I've never heard of that."

"WE'RE A NEW COUNTRY OKAY!" the old man said.

"Why do you need us?"

"We have very, very specific spiritual advisors. But that's not the point. We need you to go out into the land and find the sacred GOLDEN TOOTHBRUSH! The journey will be perilous, and you will face many dangers, impossible situations, and drunk hookers."

"And what if we don't want to?" asked Aelita, folding her arms.

"If you don't, we will go to war with your country and you'll never see tomorrow. May I point out that we have the world's fastest nuclear weapons pointed straight towards your rooms?" the old man pressed a button on a remote and a screen descended from the ceiling that showed 100 nuclear missiles pointed exactly towards their very rooms.

"Okay, you've persuaded us." Aelita said with her eyes wide open. "How would we find this golden toothbrush? Where?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know! That's why we had to ask you to find it for us! It's gold, and it's a toothbrush! Go on, snap to it!"

They were quickly rushed out the door.

"Well. That wasn't very nice." Odd commented.

"Don't you get it? Nobody is ever nice to us! That's what they're paid for," Ulrich said.

"But… that's not fair!"

"The world isn't fair."

"I HATE THIS!"

"So does everybody else."

"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"You're just mad because you got that big ol' osh-kosh-b'gosh head."

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Uh-huh. Or what? You'll hit me with that piece of corn sticking out of your scalp?"

"I HATE YOU ALL I'M GONNA GO KILL MYSELF WAAAH!" Odd said, running around in random circles until he fell out.

"Wow. That was effective. So, uh, how are we supposed to find that stupid golden toothbrush thing?" Yumi asked, while Ulrich was rolling around on the ground laughing.

Meanwhile, back in the throne room, the old man sat watching them from one of the screens, laughing menacingly. He took off a mask and… dun dun DUN! It was the Evil Jeremie spiked head of XANA! Big surprise.

"But that's the thing, my dear," he said, now in his EJ voice. "You can't! I brought you here so you could spend endless days searching for something that doesn't exist so you can't go to McDonald's and you'll starve! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!"

"We can hear you again!" Aelita shouted into the sky.

"DAMN IT!" Click.

"Well, what do we do now?" asked Jeremie. Everybody ONE-TWO STEP! I mean, Everybody looked at him.

"You're the smart one!" Ulrich said.

"But you're the criminal mastermind!"

"Since when did trying to figure out to get back to France when you're in the middle of who-knows-where have to do with having a criminal mind?"

"Since now."

"UGH! Don't look at me, I'm out of ideas anyway."

"Well, with our luck, we'd might as well go look for the toothbrush anyway." Jeremie began to walk, with Aelita following close behind, mumbling about how he'd look for oral hygiene products but he wouldn't buy her a new skirt. And lo, the five embarked on a long and perilous journey. We join our heroes as they encounter a giant brick wall that stretched out over the land as far as the eye could see.

"Oh, great. A brick wall," Yumi said.

"Don't worry, we'll just climb over it." Ulrich began to climb up the wall. Odd, who had said nothing for a while, was so angry at everything that he kicked a giant hole in the wall that he just walked through. Jeremie was such a geek that he and Aelita had to sit in front of his laptop for four hours, trying to figure out what to do. Finally, his program came up with a solution.

"Just walk through the hole Odd kicked, you imbecile," the laptop said in a computer-ish voice. Now, everyone but Yumi was on the other side.

"Come on, Yumi!" Ulrich called.

"I can't!" she replied. "I might break a nail!"

So, because Yumi was suddenly concerned about the preservation of her nails, Ulrich had to climb back over the wall (although he knew there was a hole there, he just wanted to look strong and heroic), pick her up, and carry her over the wall. She was still in a standing position under his arm when they landed on the other side and he put her down.

"Wow, Ulrich! You're sooo strong!" Yumi swooned. "How about we play some Uno sometime soon?"

She winked and Ulrich blushed. Jeremie started laughing again, and Aelita was confused again. She got mad because she was confused, and started randomly finding flowers in the grass and stomping up and down on them. They trekked onward. They went for days, with no sign of the golden toothbrush or any indication of where in the world the country of "Moo" was. Finally, Odd reached the peak of his frustration.

"I AM SO TIRED OF STUPID WALKING, AND WALKING, AND _WALKING_!" he shouted. He ran around wildly, whipping his arms everywhere. And then he stopped.

"Wait a minute," Odd said. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a shiny, glimmering gold-laden toothbrush! "It was in my back pocket the whole time! So that's how XANA did it! He knew I would never look back there!"

They heard random curse words being spewed out echoing across the sky. They knew it was XANA, yet another of his plans foiled.

"Well, you may have stopped me from blowing up France," he said. "But you're still in the middle of nowhere and you're going to starve! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

As if on cue, a team of helicopters flew in, and a ladder descended from the biggest one. To Ulrich and Yumi's horror and everyone else's relief, Sissi came down the ladder.

"OH, ULRICH DEAR!" she cried, throwing her arms around him. "I forced daddy to get me a fleet of helicopters as soon as I heard you were kidnapped! Now we can go back to France and go to McDonald's together!"

Yumi growled angrily, and so did Herb from up in the helicopter. They reluctantly climbed up and flew back to France, which was only two feet away.

9587495734957

TAK: YAY! THAT WAS CHAPTER FIVE! REVIEW!

Cat: And then review one more time and let me have the cookie!

TAK: Oh yeah, and one more thing, to the reviewer "Amy"—You're just mad because you don't know what an osh-kosh-b'gosh head is.

Amy:explodes:


	6. The Arrest part one

Disclaimer: Code: Lyoko is TAK CG by owned not. Inversion in disclaimer written is this. Message seconds this self-destruct 10 in will.

CG: Well?

TAK: Well what?

CG: You said, "Message seconds this self-destruct 10 in will"!

TAK: And?

CG: IT'S BEEN TEN SECONDS!

TAK: Okay… uh… BOOM.

CG: Don't make me hurt you, boy.

TAK: Fine. _BOOM_!

CG: YAY!

Cat: Bark.

Chapter 6 The Arrest part 1 

The gang including Sissi and her gang were dropped off by the fleet of helicopters at the exact same spot in the street where they got kidnapped by XANA's cronies.

"Well, let's go then." Aelita said. Her "girl problems" were suddenly gone and Jeremie was happy again. They began walking down the street. They turned the corner and in a couple instants, they heard sirens blaring and saw flashing lights (A/N: I don't know how this whole process works in France and I'm pretty sure you don't either so bear with me.) coming towards them. They stopped walking and the cops came out with their guns pointed at them.

"HANDS UP, CRIMINALS!" one officer shouted. Odd, Yumi, Jeremie, Aelita, Sissi, Herb, and Nicolas raised their hands over their heads, and Ulrich made a break for it, jumping over the squad cars and into the alleyways. Several officers went after him, and the remainder began to put handcuffs on the kids.

"Wait a minute! Don't you have to tell us our rights and what the _charges_ are or whatever?" Yumi asked. The cop smirked.

"Well yeah. I just don't like you," he retorted, pushing them into the car. "But I'll tell you anyway. You're under arrest for the smuggling of five thousand pounds of cheese from the National Fromage Museum. You have no rights because you're little kids."

"I'm 14!"

"SHUT UP, WHORE!"

"WAAH! I AM NOT A WHORE! WHY DOES EVERYBODY KEEP—"

Sissi slapped her.

"LOOK, BITCH! STOP SLAPPING ME!"

Yumi slapped her. Then the police officer slapped both of them.

"STOP SLAPPNG EACH OTHER!"

Before they began to slap the officer, Ulrich shook his head again.

"It must be nice having that power over women," Jeremie grumbled. Aelita looked at him, her face full of fear. He noticed. "It's alright Aelita. We didn't do any of that. We'll be fine."

She frowned.

"You're sexy."

Jeremie WOULD'VE face-faulted if this was anime and they weren't in a car. Well, this is our fanfic so they can do anime expressions whenever the heck they feel like it! Aelita pounced on him and then started taking off his clothes. The police officer blew a whistle.

"NO MAN-RAPING! Do you WANT to go to jail?" he asked.

"No, Mr. Nice Policeman."

"I am not Mr. Nice Policeman. That's my associate. Say hi, Bob."

The police officer in the driver's seat turned, waved, and smiled. The not-nice policeman got into the passenger's seat and they drove off. They drove for about a block, stopped the car, and then he shoved them out.

"You're free to go."

The police car drove away.

"Umm, why?" asked Odd, scratching his head. Ulrich shrugged. Then he realized it.

"HEY! WHERE'S OUR BAG OF STOLEN CASH!"

The two "police officers" sat chuckling menacingly, looking at their prize.

"Those fools," said the Mr. Nice Policeman. Not surprisingly, he morphed into EJ XANA. "This is what they get for trusting the legal system."

The other police officer also morphed into an EJ XANA. They were The Twins—the two halves of XANA. One good side, and one bad side. One was named XA and the other was named NA. The "good" policeman was the NA, the bad side.

"It was so hard to be mean to those poor children," said XA, looking innocent and sweet. Well, as innocent and sweet as a mutated Jeremie can look. "Why are we evil to those kids again?"

"Because. We're a plot device. Get used to it," NA grinned, regarding the cash in front of him as if it were beautiful code. "Now that we have their money, they can't buy any food from McDonald's and they'll starve to death! Laugh evilly with me, brother!"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" This time, unfortunately for the gang and gang (There's two gangs who happen to be at a hunger-induced truce at the moment), XANA actually remembered to turn off the "they can hear him" switch.

"I can't believe this!" Herb shouted, in his 'omg look out it's a pissy nerd!' mode. "How could you idiots lose our money! Now we're gonna die!"

He punched Jeremie in the stomach, because he's just a generally mad person in the first place, and he also happened to hate Jeremie for beating him every year at the robotics competition.

"OOF!" shouted Jeremie, falling dramatically to the ground. Aelita was enraged.

"YOU LITTLE BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU LAY A FINGER ON MY JEREMIE-POO!" she screamed, walking angrily towards Herb. Nicolas stepped in the way, wearing purple short shorts instead of his usual red (he went shopping, remember?)

"Look! I know he's irresistibly hot and everything but you don't have to beat up my nerdish friend here!" he said, in Herb's defense. Everyone was shocked that he said such a well-developed sentence, and overlooked the fact that he just said Jeremie was hot.

"I DON'T CARE! LET ME AT HIM!" Aelita began girlishly slapping at the air and turning her head away. Nicolas did the same thing, and they were both girlishly slapping at nothing for a few minutes. Then they started arguing. Pretty soon, everybody was yelling at each other.

"STUPID PINK HAIRED HOOCHIE MAMA!"

"ANNOYING BLONDE DRUMMER BOY!"

"EVIL JAPANESE GOTH CHICK!"

"CRUMMY FRENCH KOGYARU WANNABE!"

"GEEKY FOUR-EYED… KID!"

"GREEN CLAD WOMAN STEALER!"

"PURPLE DOG LOVER!"

"BLAH, BLAH, ME, ME, YOU, YOU HEYYY MACARENA!"

"_Everybody SHUT UP!_" A voice called out. Everyone shut up. They looked around to see whom the voice belonged to.

"Ahem. Down here." said Kiwi, still holding a briefcase in his mouth. "I'm back from Harvard; I graduated and I now have a Ph.D. in barking the ABC's! See, look: A! BARK! B! BARK! C! BARK!"

Jeremie kicked the dog as far as he could. Everyone was happy again, and they decided to figure out what to do.

"Okay, so those police officers stole our money. Can't we, like, sue them or something?" asked Sissi, getting out a pink brush with pink bristles and beginning to brush her hair.

"No. You forget, WE stole it first." Ulrich reminded.

"Oh yeah. You're so smart, sexy, and hawt, Ulrich! Can we make out? You make out with Yumi all the time!"

"Sure, why not?"

Ulrich and Sissi started making out, while Yumi stood in utter shock.

"…ULRICH! I HATE YOU!" she ran off.

"WAIT! YUMI! COME BACK!" Ulrich chased after her. Sissi fainted. Herb picked her up (you know that trademark "lyke womg somebody fainted I'd better get down on my knees and support their upper torso" deal).

"Sissi! Sissi, are you alright?" he asked, caringlyish in his geek voice. She slowly opened her eyes a little.

"Ulrich… so hot. Stomach… growling…. need… McChicken…" Sissi closed her eyes.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Herb shouted.

"Calm down. I'm not dead," Sissi snapped, frowning and opening her eyes. "Oh, right, uncounscious."

She closed her eyes. Ulrich and Yumi were gone, and Sissi was knocked out. They were also out of money, it was late at night, and they needed McDonalds.

TO BE CONTINUED

TAK: Haha, I always wanted to do a two-parter!

CG: A pointless two-parter…

TAK: But a two-parter nonetheless! REVIEW!

Cat: WHY DID YOU MAKE ME SAY 'BARK'! I AM NOT A DOG! I AM A FELINE! A FEMALE FELINE! #begins marching around holding up cat and woman advocating signs# I AM CATWOMAN! HEAR MY SHRIEK!

TAK: #massages temples#


	7. The Detective AKA the Arrest pt 2

Disclaimer: Oh, no. Not again! Oh… we-do-not-own-Code-Lyoko-or-McDonald's. THERE, I SAID IT! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!

CG: You are so stupid.

TAK: I know I am I'm workin' at it.

CG: HEY! That's my phrase!

TAK: #sticks out tounge#

CG: #growls and pounces on TAK, and that cliched cloud of 'fighting dust' comes up#

Cat: Sigh… well, this chapter is dedicated to BloodVampire! (The writer of What If)

BUT WAIT! More questions answered!

Will they EVER get to McDonald's? That's for me to know and you to obsess over. I'll just leave it at a "maybe" right now. #winkyface#

**The Detective (a.k.a. The Arrest part two)**

Odd sat on the ground, and Jeremie paced back in forth in front of him, with his hand up to his chin. Nicolas was window shopping on the street, jumping up and down like a giddy little girl when he saw a sparkly purple suit in a store called "THE STORE". In all capital letters, just like that. Herb was still on the ground with Sissi, and he kept trying to kiss her like she was sleeping beauty, but she kept waking up, slapping him, and falling unconscious again.

"Well, I'm stumped!" Odd announced, throwing his hands up in the air.

"IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO FIGURE OUT!" Jeremie shouted. "Besides, our wonderful employers just said it on the last line in the last chapter!"

"So? That doesn't prove anything!"

"Ugh!"

42489234793247

Ulrich ran through the dark streets and alleyways, searching for Yumi.

"Yumi!" he called. "Yumi, come back! I'm sorry! We can play cards some more if you want! I've even got a box of—er… _cards _in my pocket!"

Bad Ulrich.

"SHUT UP! I'm in a desperate mood right now and I don't need your shit okay?"

Don't you speak to me that way, Young Man.

"YOUNG MAN! We're the same age!"

So? Who's the one with the keyboard here?

"Uh… you. So what?"

Well that means I can do whatever I want to you!

"Oh yeah!"

Yes. Watch. _Ulrich shut his mouth and a zipper magically appeared and zipped itself._

"MMM!" Ulrich protested.

Haha. Behold my word processing power, puny actor, and tremble! TREMBLE! Ulrich frowned. The Author was feeling generous so the zipper disintegrated as suddenly as it had appeared.

"Thank you so very much, Mr. Nice Author Guy Who Pays My Salary!" Ulrich said through gritted teeth.

Uh-huh. That's what I thought. Now, scoot. He dashed off, to look for Yumi.

98854758475

Back to the "stumped" group. Aelita stood up.

"I believe I have a solution," she announced.

"What is it, Aelita?" asked Jeremie.

"LET'S ALL HAVE HAWT SEX!"

"OOH! I WANT…. I mean. HEY LOOK, A MONKEY!" Nicolas said nervously, and ran away. He merely trotted around the block, and came back with his hands in his pockets like nothing happened. Everybody face-faulted. (A/N: Okay, the nymphomaniac Aelita thing is getting old. I'm not using it anymore :P)

"Uh… not right now, Aelita. How about we hire our own private investigator? I saw an ad in the newspaper a week ago," Jeremie said.

"You read the newspaper? Wow, I just give that thing to Kiwi. What's in it?"

"Words. The universe is a big place, Odd, don't get lost. Anyways…"

"So, a private investigator, huh? Like, a private eye?" asked Aelita.

"Yes."

Sissi woke up.

"A private eye, huh?" she said, intrigued. Her eyes lit up. "IS HE HOT?"

"Actually, it's a girl…"

"Aw, man."

"YAY!" Odd said. "MAYBE I GET A LOVE INTEREST NOW EH!"

Everyone stared blankly at him. Aelita patted him on the shoulder.

"Aww, poor Odd want love too."

"HE HAS LOVE!" Samantha shouted, suddenly appearing with a big megaphone.

The gang soon arrives at an office with lettering on the door's window that read "B.V., Private Eye."

"B.V.? What does that stand for?" asked Aelita, turning to Jeremie.

"I don't know. It didn't say in the ad."

"Maybe it stands for 'Bitchy Veronica'! …NOT ANOTHER ONE!" Odd shouted, starting to get scared. Sissi, Aelita, Samantha, and Yumi who appeared out of nowhere glared at him.

"Heh, heh… heh…"

They all 'hmph'-ed and Yumi disappeared because Ulrich's not done looking for her yet. Jeremie shrugged and said there was only one way to find out. He opened the door….

462546235464576

Yumi ran on faster, her foot occasionally splashing in a puddle of water on the black asphalt of the alleyways and streets.

_Stupid Ulrich!_ she thought. _Stupid Sissi! Stupid everybody! STUPID I THINK I NEED A BIGGER BOX TACO BELL DOG!_

She turned a corner and ran into the person who was exactly who she didn't want to see. Yumi fell on her butt and sat there, with her hair falling over her face and sobbing.

"Yumi…" Ulrich started.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" she shouted, snapping her head up.

"I'm sorry… I… I don't know what came over me."

"Sure, whatever Ulrich. Do you expect that to make everything all better?"

"No. I just wanted to say that I never meant to hurt you, and Sissi's always trying to wriggle her way into my life, trying to get inbetween us. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I just wanted to say that… I…"

Suddenly, a big black van came rumbling down the street at way past the speed limit and slammed right into Ulrich.

"ULRICH!" Yumi cried, running towards Ulrich's oddly bent up body. A few lawyers in suits came out and presented a badge to the now crying Yumi.

"We're from the Antefilms Early Plot Event Prevention Division. According to the Contract, Article 9, Section 2, Sub-section 1…"

"Yeah, yeah, get on with it!"

"Right, sorry. Anyway, Ulrich was about to trigger a plot event before it was scheduled to happen on your… reality show."

"…How can there be scheduled events on a reality show?" Yumi asked, looking around nervously. "Besides, this is another gig. Isn't it a little outside your jurisdiction or whatever?"

"No. See, In the same sub-section, in Clause 211, Paragraph 6, the Contract explicitly states…"

"Okay. You own us. Whatever. Go away, I'm mourning here. Oh yeah, you'd better call an ambulance right now before I slap a lawsuit on your ass."

But, just as she was saying that, the lawyers piled into their van and drove off.

"COME BACK HERE! UGH!" She yelled after them.

"Yumi…" a weak voice said from on the ground. She knelt to Ulrich.

"What is it, Ulrich?" asked Yumi softly.

"I think my arm's broken."

"Oh my God! Really?"

"Yes… if I had some fries and a Coke I might feel better…"

"You're just hungry and you have a sprain, don't be stupid," Yumi said, rolling her eyes and smiling to herself on the inside. She helped Ulrich up from the ground. _Maybe the police won't notice the blood everywhere. Oh well._ Ulrich grinned.

"So does this mean you love me now?"

"DO YOU _WANT_ TO GET RUN OVER BY THE CRAZY LAWYERS AGAIN?"

"Damn contract."

8423846326428364

Jeremie opened the door. Inside, the world was suddenly changed into one of those black-and-white whodunit film looks. There were a chair and a desk, with some grew smoke blowing from the front of it, since the chair had its back to them.

_BV's POV:_

_I was in my office, when they showed up. I couldn't see them, but I could tell from the script that they were in desperate need of my help. I had some random gun in my desk drawer somewhere and blah, blah, blah, detective-ey stuff. I—_

Odd walked up and jumped onto the desk. He inhaled deeply, and then, let out an earth-rumbling, glass-shattering screech that made howler monkeys look like cows with laryngitis.

"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!" The chair spun around revealing a girl with short black hair somewhat like Yumi's, jeans, and an open brown detective overcoat that showed a red shirt. "ARE YOU _TRYING _TO KILL ME!"

Jeremie pushed Odd aside and sweatdropped.

"Don't mind him, he's just an idiot. Anyway, we need your help. Wait… were you smoking?"

"Heckz no! It's one of those fake bubble gum cigarettes that you can get from the ice cream truck. Anyway, what's your story? Oh, by the way, I require 2 quarts an hour, plus expenses."

"Well, you see, there's this place called Lyoko—" Odd began. Aelita smacked him with a huge mallet.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE MEANT!"

"…Quarts?" asked Sissi with a confused look on her face.

"Of blood, of course. B.V. stands for Blood Vampire!" The room darkens and lightning storms erupt in the background as she laughs almost as maniacally as XANA but she's not a paid professional evil person, so it wasn't as good. The CL gang takes a step back. (A/N: YAY! I GET TO USE THE STEP BACK THING! I FEEL SO HONORED! sniff)

"Haha, I was just kidding. It's 10 bucks an hour. But, seriously, my name's Blood Vampire. Call me BV, for… security reasons." BV looked around suspiciously.

"Okay, here's what happened…" Jeremie started.

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TAK: THE END!

CG: Of the story?

TAK: No, the two-parter!

CG: But…. that didn't solve anything. You sprained Ulrich's arm and they meet an insane girl with vampirism issues.

TAK: HEY! DON'T TALK ABOUT HER LIKE THAT!

CG: I was just kidding…

TAK: Yeah. Okay. Anyway, it was the end of the two-parter. Now, it's a THREE OR MORE UNTIL WE FEEL LIKE WE'RE DONE WITH THE PARTER-PARTER! Bwahahahahaahahhaaaa!

Cat: You really are an idiot.

TAK: LEAVE ME ALONE! #sobs#

#Edit A/N#

TAK: Sooo sorry! It's been too crazy to get this chapter up since my computer broke and I needed the file... I hope u guys still remember this story and who BV is!


End file.
